Me pondering what the future will bring 😀
I see so often that bloggers only tend to show the positive side of their travels and seeing constant updates of beautiful food and amazing landscapes may be great there is always two sides to every story, In my travel blog I want to share the ups and the downs with you guys.
So according to the timer on this site it has been 35 days since I left Montreal and everything to do with my old life behind to travel Latin America.I initially tried to convince myself that the reason I left to travel was because I really wanted to go travel and explore the world and that it was the perfect time in my life to do it. But that’s not entirely true.
I left because I wanted to escape the reality of everyday life
As I mentioned in my very first blog post on this site I came out of a 8 year relationship and lost my job before deciding to go traveling. Those few months before traveling would have to be by far the hardest and worst I have gone through in my entire life. I went from thinking I had everything in life figured out relatationship wise, hobby wise and career wise.
But within 3 months I found myself uninterested in all my previous hobbies, tired of my career and not only having lost the love of my life but also my best friend at the same time. It’s been really hard being on my own for the first time in 8 years.
However looking back at it now it was something that had to happen and I know that we will both be better people because of this and I wish her all of the happiness in the world and hope she finds everything she is searching for.
Over the last few months I have discovered a lot about myself. I have picked up new hobbies such as photography and writing this blog which is great. They help me bring purpose to my travels and I love sharing these amazing locations and experiences with my family, friends and fellow readers.
I’ve rediscovered my love for the outdoors, exercise and hiking.
Plus most importantly I found my love for traveling, meeting new people and experiencing new and different cultures. Looking back over the last month of my life and all of the people I have met, places I have been and experiences I have had it feels almost hard to believe that this is reality. Even right now as I write this I am sitting in a deck chair at the Earth Lodge in the mountains above Antigua in Guatemala on a beautiful sunny afternoon looking down over the valley and surrounding volcano’s I should be the happiest guy in the world right?
But unfortunately the reality is that I’m not
Even just saying that make’s me feel like i’m ungrateful and need to get over myself. I know people that would give anything to be living the life I am right now and don’t get me wrong I am enjoying it but at the same time I feel that I’m not enjoying this as much as I should because I didn’t come traveling for the same reasons most people do.
I realize now that the reason I went traveling was that I couldn’t take living on the same way I did before. I thought that I needed to abandon all of my hobbies all of my friends, all of my career aspirations in the pursuit of this new version of myself.
I guess a small part of me hoped that if I moved away from Montreal leaving all of my belongings and cutting all ties that bound me there I would feel free and wouldn’t think about my Ex and would be able to more easily move on and while traveling has done a great job in distracting me there still isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about her or all of the things I have left behind in Montreal.
After traveling for a month I have found myself longing for things that when I was at home I so easily took for granted.
- I miss my friends and having a deeper connection with people. Sure I have made more friends than I can count in the past month of traveling and they are all great people but with traveling these tend to frequently just be surface encounters and you find yourself parting ways within a few days. I miss having those deep connections with people.
- I miss the familiarity and routine of going to the same place for a cup of coffee or going to my regular boot camp meet up or even the simple things like being able to watch my weekly favorite tv series.
- I miss being able to connect with locals. Being in spanish speaking countries not being able to speak the language makes it very hard to connect with locals and makes it hard to even do a simple task such as finding a certain thing at the store you are looking for.
- I miss having my own personal space, having my own room where I can wake up without having other people in the dorm room talking or rustling their backpacks at all hours of the night.
- And lastly the thing I miss the most is having someone to be close with, someone that fully understands me, someone to share all of the experiences this world has to offer.
I don’t know what I want to do, where I want to live. Everyday I have to try to remind myself to enjoy the moment and hope that fate will intervene and I will find that thing that I am looking for that makes me feel like my life has purpose again. Whether that be a place, A person A career or a passion I do not know.
Love the honesty. Its important to share all ups and downs, helps you express it as well! Great post!
Thanks Mecoh, I agree , thanks for reading and your support
“And lastly the thing I miss the most is having someone to be close with, someone that fully understands me, someone to share all of the experiences this world has to offer.”
This was probably one of the things that I missed the most when I did the majority of my traveling (specifically my solo traveling).
Great post! It hit home 🙂
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La Viajera Morena Ya I agree it can be tough, thanks
Brendan, don’t be too hard on yourself, you are experiencing a growth process with grieving being a part of it. Just remember you have many people who love you, your family, friends. From what I saw, you’re a pretty good person with a kind heart so enjoy the travels, learn heaps and hey don’t sweat the small stuff. Also don’t live with regrets, you learn from your mistakes, it is all positive, Take care!
Don’t be too hard on yourself Brendon, you’ve just been through some major life changes that will understandably take a while to adjust to and come to terms with. I suspect you’d be feeling many of the same things whether you were travelling or still living in Vancouver. At least this way you’re dealing with it while seeing some amazing places and making some amazing memories. I think you just need to give yourself time to have fun and get used to your own company – you’ll figure out what comes next eventually.
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Thanks everyone for your support, means a lot. Last few days have been a bit all over the place but I think I’m getting my head straight and ready to continue traveling on and keeping it positive 😀
Try to enjoy the moment and don’t over think about the future, you will get what you are looking for one day when you are ready.
For money and more routine, try to rent your own home and stay at one place for several months, we’re doing this in Cochabamba, Bolivia (1 month only :)) this will give you the daily routine and will make you meet locals (who can speak your language).
You are still in your first month, give it a try and see 🙂
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Wow. I recognize myself a lot in the words you wrote. Good to know that we’re not alone 🙂
It’s always really refreshing to read blogs where you see someone’s true feelings. I also know from experience that it’s hard to write those types of blogs as well. Props for getting your feeling out there! I wish you well on your adventures!
Maria
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Good post Brendon.
Life is a weird ride, but that’s what keeps it interesting I suppose.
Thanks everyone 😀 your right Glen life really is a weird ride. But atleast for the first time in my life I feel like im fully in control of the wheel and that in itself is an amazing feeling.
Thanks for this post, Brendon! I’ve found myself having some of the same feelings as you over the past month or so. I feel like I am living the life that I had always dreamed about, yet for some reason I’m not nearly as happy as I expected to be.
For some reason, sometimes it’s just really hard to let go and enjoy the moment. Sometimes I have to consciously remind myself of the amazing place I’m in, the amazing things I’m doing, & try to focus on the present. It’s not an easy thing, though.
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Thanks for sharing this, Brendon.
You know, I was in a very similar situation and feeling the same way when I moved from Norway to Montreal, which turned out to be the best decision I’ve made in my life so far. Of course, nobody can say what would have happened if I hadn’t gone, however, I was privileged with many good friends in Montreal. I also met the love of my life in Montreal, who is now my wife as of 5 days ago.
Now, several years later, I find myself back in Norway (returned from Japan last night), ruminating on experiences from Montreal. As it turns out, my initial reasons for moving as I see it today, are entirely different from the reasons I had when I actually moved, which goes to show that I have learned something valuable about myself and the world. In retrospect, it made me a better man, and I am sure that your adventures will make you an even better man than you are today (which is pretty darn good already).
I am genuinely proud of and moved by what you are doing and I look forward to each and every blog post. Rest assured that your experiences, however hard they may seem when they happen, will make you a better man.
Follow your heart, don’t live with regrets and stay positive. You will be rewarded.
Best wishes,
~ Leif